Goodbye 10ml syringes

So once again our minds have changed. After much discussion we have decided to stop doing home inseminations. This cycle my eggs decided to randomly cling on to my ovaries and pop out a week late so the sperm last week was pretty much futile and then our donor cancelled on us for any further donations this month due to 'being ill'. We also decided that we are through with being at the mercy of donors and hoping they do not turn out to be complete and utter weirdos. Our current donor had a name on his profile which we took to be his (like you would) and the other day in a text, signed off with a completely different name, which although they have the right to privacy, just really made me think about what else he can lie about and just made us both feel really uneasy.

We have therefore decided to apply for NHS funding for iui/ivf in a clinic and go down that route instead. It is such a difficult and emotionally fraught journey and we are so ready to move on to the next stage because it doesn't feel like we are getting very far at all. My wife needs to lose 35 pounds first to meet the criteria and then we will start that ball rolling. It is all taking even longer than we ever imagined it would but fuck it right. We will get there and it will be so worth it.

The Three B's

This week has been an excellent week. Firstly we decided that we are going to start trying for a baby next year as soon as we have got married and perhaps start the necessary testing beforehand in April as we are planning to do egg sharing ivf, if T is accepted on to the program. If not, financially we will have to try IUI instead. T is definitely hopefully going to carry the first baby, as she is 3 years older. I am happy to wait my turn :) It is very exciting. Life is too short and I want as much time with our children as possible, as working in a hospice has really showed me how you never know what is round the corner and how family are the thing that matters most in this life and are the one thing that are with us until the end of time. Not how many bedrooms our house has. I shared a bedroom with either my sister and at times my brother and sister until I was 11 and I had the best childhood ever. We also lived in a caravan in my grandparents backyard until I was 7. We will be living in a lovely 2 bed by the time our baby is old enough to care anyway. For the first year until we leave London and try for baby number 2, he can bunk up in our room :D

We also have booked our honeymoon, which is awesome as we have spent weeks trying to figure out where to go and how much money to spend etc. Our ideas varied from an all inclusive 2 weeks in mexico to a caravan in Cornwall. We really want to keep costs down so we can afford the IVF! In the end we have opted for a middle ground and are hiring a villa on the coast in Sardinia and hiring a car to drive around the Island. It looks gorgeous. The beaches are white and the sea is crystal clear. It is costing us £950 for the villa, flights and hire car. Pretty reasonable really as it has a jacuzzi overlooking the sea and everything and it is also private so we will be able to relax better.

Going for a week also means we can fit in going to the fertility clinic and a couple of nights in Paris in to our 2 weeks annual leave. We are not taking more time off to allow for baby making days off. While we would love to get pregnant on our first go, we are being realistic and anticipating more of a journey.

The three b's have also thus commenced this week. BRIDAL. BEACH. BABY diet! We are on a definite health kick now so that we are in optimum shape to give ourselves the best chance. We have swapped cake for fruit and the sofa for long walks. We r also gonna start playing tennis and swimming :) I am pretty sure cake will worm itself in occasionally, but so long as we keep focused then I am sure we will get there. Damn BMI charts. We went on a lovely 4 mile round trip walk into Greenwich last night and rewarded ourselves with a starbucks when we got there :) It is well worth the walk for both the coffee and the amazing view of Canary Wharf

Lastly I am starting my new job on Monday. This is quite terrifying but also very exciting. Gone are my student days. I am so glad to be in the adult world now even if I lose my student discount :)

I AM GONNA BE A TOTAL BREAD WINNER

This is what I am looking at whenever I want chocolate (mmmm)

I can't wait x x x