So once again our minds have changed. After much discussion we have decided to stop doing home inseminations. This cycle my eggs decided to randomly cling on to my ovaries and pop out a week late so the sperm last week was pretty much futile and then our donor cancelled on us for any further donations this month due to 'being ill'. We also decided that we are through with being at the mercy of donors and hoping they do not turn out to be complete and utter weirdos. Our current donor had a name on his profile which we took to be his (like you would) and the other day in a text, signed off with a completely different name, which although they have the right to privacy, just really made me think about what else he can lie about and just made us both feel really uneasy.
We have therefore decided to apply for NHS funding for iui/ivf in a clinic and go down that route instead. It is such a difficult and emotionally fraught journey and we are so ready to move on to the next stage because it doesn't feel like we are getting very far at all. My wife needs to lose 35 pounds first to meet the criteria and then we will start that ball rolling. It is all taking even longer than we ever imagined it would but fuck it right. We will get there and it will be so worth it.
Showing posts with label TWW. Show all posts
Showing posts with label TWW. Show all posts
Monday, 7 April 2014
Tuesday, 1 April 2014
Donation day
As I write this, sperm is very slowly hurtling itself through my cervix towards an egg. Though I have not got a positive ovulation test yet so I hope they pace themselves.
Not feeling too good about my timing this cycle. I am day 15 today and usually have a positive opk today and ovulate on day 16 but also had a day 17 and 18 too. I really do hope they pace themselves in there because it is the only donation I am getting this cycle!
Not feeling too good about my timing this cycle. I am day 15 today and usually have a positive opk today and ovulate on day 16 but also had a day 17 and 18 too. I really do hope they pace themselves in there because it is the only donation I am getting this cycle!
Friday, 28 March 2014
Insemination
Everytime I decide to do a blog post something dramatic has changed. Well the change this time is that we are now living up North rather than in London. It means we have a bigger house and are nearer to my family which is a positive step. Even if we do miss our life in London. We have also bought a extra cute puppy.
The only thing that hasn't changed is that we are still not pregnant. We found a new donor up this end and are currently back to trying after a bit of a break to move. We have decided that ideally T will get pregnant first due to being 3 years older than me but that due to the fact that we have been trying for a while now, I will also try where possible just to help increase our chances. We just want a baby in our life now and we don't care who has it.
When we first started seriously thinking about trying and looking for a donor back in October 2012 we had this idealistic picture that T will try to try get pregnant in Jan 2013 after our civil partnership and it will wonderously happen fairily easily and that we will have candles lit and it will be romantic and beautiful. Then once our bundle of joy comes along once it was around 1, I would start trying and the same would happen again. In actual fact what has happened is that T had 8 inseminations to no avail and then found out that she has raised Prolactin and low progesterone and after a couple more tests in now on medication to help and in a major lack of patience moment, I also started trYing and have so far done 2 attempts.
This is how we found it in reality
1) There were no candles or romance, just some awkward small talk with our donor followed by what do you do while he is wanking off in the next room. Cue loud music.
2) Donor leaves and this is followed by a major sense of responsibility to not kill off the little swimmers inprisoned in the sterile pot which has to be some how sucked up into the syringe.
3) Once the swimmers were successfully sucked up, you then had to try and get rid of the weird gross semen bubbles that appeared out of nowhere without a)losing the lot of them b)not getting rid of them and shoving alot of air up into your bits...tho this seemed a bit extreme and probably not enough air to do much damage but the worry was there. 3)feeling time constraints as every minute sperm are losing the battle in there.
4) Nowhere does it mention sperm bubbles
5)once you successfully have the sperm contained you then have to keep them warm...or do you...some stuff says that you should keep them sat there to allow to liquify more for 10-15 mins whereas some literature says that you should keep them at body temperature to keep them alive...then some stuff says that if you keep them too warm then they will speed up too quickly and die. What the fuck do you do? = ACT QUICKLY (while trying not to panic or freak out at how disgusting semen is)
6)You get your partner into position and then have to locate the cervix because you don't want to miss or let too much come out... you locate the cervix but then have to try work with the syringe one handed
7) The syringe is in!!! How quick do you press the plunger down? In your head you think well a guy probably cums quite quickly and with force so quickly would make sense but then the other part of your brain is thinking SHIT what if they bounce straight back out? Should I leave the syringe in? If I leave the syringe in will this then block the cerival opening and prevent the sperm from getting in? I heard a tale of a woman plunging prematurely and missed the vagina altogether in her blind panic!
8) You fuck it and just inject the bastards in as slow as humanely possible and leave the syringe...but then your partner starts laughing and her pelvic floor pushes out not only the syringe but some spermy goodness comes running out.
9)You have to go find tissue or a sanitary towel or something to stem the flow and then panic about whether any actually made it anywhere near the cervix and curse at your woman for not having kept it in place
10) you stockpile all the cushions and pillows in the house under her arse with the not so good one on top in case any semen seep through and you have to throw it away and never speak of that cushion again
11) You try and produce an orgasm while trying to not get sperm on your fingers or contract too much that further troops are lost to the pelvic floor and your brain is nowhere near that sexy place but you have to keep trying because an orgasm helps suck up the little bastards into your uterus where they need to be and trust me after the above, they need all the help they can get.
12) you think about using a soft cup to keep it all in there but then again you worry about putting it in wrong and covering the cervix and subsequently push all the swimmers away so they are held back by a latex wall and any who are knocking around the opening get distracted by the plastic sheath that now encloses them and thats the last thing you want. Distracted sperm!
So thats it. That is the insemination all whistles and bells...and candles and romance.
The only thing that hasn't changed is that we are still not pregnant. We found a new donor up this end and are currently back to trying after a bit of a break to move. We have decided that ideally T will get pregnant first due to being 3 years older than me but that due to the fact that we have been trying for a while now, I will also try where possible just to help increase our chances. We just want a baby in our life now and we don't care who has it.
When we first started seriously thinking about trying and looking for a donor back in October 2012 we had this idealistic picture that T will try to try get pregnant in Jan 2013 after our civil partnership and it will wonderously happen fairily easily and that we will have candles lit and it will be romantic and beautiful. Then once our bundle of joy comes along once it was around 1, I would start trying and the same would happen again. In actual fact what has happened is that T had 8 inseminations to no avail and then found out that she has raised Prolactin and low progesterone and after a couple more tests in now on medication to help and in a major lack of patience moment, I also started trYing and have so far done 2 attempts.
This is how we found it in reality
1) There were no candles or romance, just some awkward small talk with our donor followed by what do you do while he is wanking off in the next room. Cue loud music.
2) Donor leaves and this is followed by a major sense of responsibility to not kill off the little swimmers inprisoned in the sterile pot which has to be some how sucked up into the syringe.
3) Once the swimmers were successfully sucked up, you then had to try and get rid of the weird gross semen bubbles that appeared out of nowhere without a)losing the lot of them b)not getting rid of them and shoving alot of air up into your bits...tho this seemed a bit extreme and probably not enough air to do much damage but the worry was there. 3)feeling time constraints as every minute sperm are losing the battle in there.
4) Nowhere does it mention sperm bubbles
5)once you successfully have the sperm contained you then have to keep them warm...or do you...some stuff says that you should keep them sat there to allow to liquify more for 10-15 mins whereas some literature says that you should keep them at body temperature to keep them alive...then some stuff says that if you keep them too warm then they will speed up too quickly and die. What the fuck do you do? = ACT QUICKLY (while trying not to panic or freak out at how disgusting semen is)
6)You get your partner into position and then have to locate the cervix because you don't want to miss or let too much come out... you locate the cervix but then have to try work with the syringe one handed
7) The syringe is in!!! How quick do you press the plunger down? In your head you think well a guy probably cums quite quickly and with force so quickly would make sense but then the other part of your brain is thinking SHIT what if they bounce straight back out? Should I leave the syringe in? If I leave the syringe in will this then block the cerival opening and prevent the sperm from getting in? I heard a tale of a woman plunging prematurely and missed the vagina altogether in her blind panic!
8) You fuck it and just inject the bastards in as slow as humanely possible and leave the syringe...but then your partner starts laughing and her pelvic floor pushes out not only the syringe but some spermy goodness comes running out.
9)You have to go find tissue or a sanitary towel or something to stem the flow and then panic about whether any actually made it anywhere near the cervix and curse at your woman for not having kept it in place
10) you stockpile all the cushions and pillows in the house under her arse with the not so good one on top in case any semen seep through and you have to throw it away and never speak of that cushion again
11) You try and produce an orgasm while trying to not get sperm on your fingers or contract too much that further troops are lost to the pelvic floor and your brain is nowhere near that sexy place but you have to keep trying because an orgasm helps suck up the little bastards into your uterus where they need to be and trust me after the above, they need all the help they can get.
12) you think about using a soft cup to keep it all in there but then again you worry about putting it in wrong and covering the cervix and subsequently push all the swimmers away so they are held back by a latex wall and any who are knocking around the opening get distracted by the plastic sheath that now encloses them and thats the last thing you want. Distracted sperm!
So thats it. That is the insemination all whistles and bells...and candles and romance.
Thursday, 22 August 2013
TWW
It feels like you never know how desperately you want a baby/a family until you are staring the 'TWW' in the face. Systematically counting down each 'DPO' and obsessively ticking off the symptom checklist.
Today I am 8dpo on my first month 'TTC'. My wife has been trying for the past 8 months and this month we decided to both give it a try. We are using a known donor and doing home insemination and due to some fuck up in the earths finely tuned balance, we were both ovulating around the same couple of days (fucked up because it will also mean we are pre menstrual at the same time- which in turn breeds all sorts of hormonal crazy in our relationship, on the occassion that our cycles choose to merge together...only to diverge quite soon after when it realises that rather than a biological wonder, it is a biological hazard.
So far this delightful TWW I am experiencing
Nausea
Extreme hunger
frequent urination
indigestion
cramps
Gas
Food aversions
Night time waking
and a google obsession (not a new thing however)
and guess what.....I am quite probably going to start bleeding over the next few days and it will be back to square one.
The part of me that ebays cute baby clothes remains vaguely optimistic every month and then becomes rapidly depressed once 'AF' shows up...for it to die away and become optimistic once more when them two dark lines come up on the 'OPK'
But for now I am going to sit here and eat my victoria sponge (I AM CRAVING IT), because hey ho. I am either pregnant or pre-menstrual so it is justified.
H x
Today I am 8dpo on my first month 'TTC'. My wife has been trying for the past 8 months and this month we decided to both give it a try. We are using a known donor and doing home insemination and due to some fuck up in the earths finely tuned balance, we were both ovulating around the same couple of days (fucked up because it will also mean we are pre menstrual at the same time- which in turn breeds all sorts of hormonal crazy in our relationship, on the occassion that our cycles choose to merge together...only to diverge quite soon after when it realises that rather than a biological wonder, it is a biological hazard.
So far this delightful TWW I am experiencing
Nausea
Extreme hunger
frequent urination
indigestion
cramps
Gas
Food aversions
Night time waking
and a google obsession (not a new thing however)
and guess what.....I am quite probably going to start bleeding over the next few days and it will be back to square one.
The part of me that ebays cute baby clothes remains vaguely optimistic every month and then becomes rapidly depressed once 'AF' shows up...for it to die away and become optimistic once more when them two dark lines come up on the 'OPK'
But for now I am going to sit here and eat my victoria sponge (I AM CRAVING IT), because hey ho. I am either pregnant or pre-menstrual so it is justified.
H x
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