Eager Beaver

Yesterday we went into the clinic for a scan to check my wife's antra-follicle count which helps determine your ovarian reserve. We also had bloods taken to test AMH level. T was really scared prior to the scan and had convinced herself something would be wrong etc. Thankfully it all went well and her womb lining was thin, she had 24 follicles (16-30 is excellent) and the only downer was a 3cm fibroid that was tucked up in her upper uterine muscle which apparently will pose no problem due to it hiding out of the way. It was really cool getting to see T's uterus and ovaries and I just kept thinking that this is the room where our future child could be collected and where they could be put back in as cute bundles of cells and that one day when I look at a screen of my wife's uterus, I could be staring at our baby's heartbeat.

Afterwards we went for a walk in the park and for breakfast before T headed to work. It was really lovely and filled with positivity.

We now have to wait a week to get the blood results but we have everything crossed. Following that the next step would be big bloods to check for any genetic carrier problems and any infections.

Fingers crossed

My sister has penned the phrase 'Eager Beaver' to describe the journey.

Our first IVF consultation

This afternoon has been pretty lovely.

We had our first consultation today at the fertility clinic and we got a really nice vibe about the place. It is really friendly and they provide nice tea and coffee. Though we were both too nervous to drink anything. Next time we will for sure :) The nurse explained the procedure and we chatted about our options etc. My wife has to go back in 3 weeks or so after her next period to have bloods and a scan to make sure there are no problems. Hopefully that will be ok. If everything goes textbook we will hopefully be ready to commence by Nov/Dec depending on how long we wait for sperm etc. I feel excited. When she talked us through the process, it all started to feel very real. Sitting next to my beautiful wife as we watch our embryo/s getting put inside her uterus is going to be an amazing moment and I just keep focusing on this when everything gets overwhelming. I know after that you have the two week wait and potential BFN and even with a BFP the scope for a category of misfortunes, but right now all i want is that tiny cute little ball of cells and after that a baby would be very much appreciated.

Currently I am dreaming about a blastocyst rather than a baby. Our future blastocyst.

After our appointment we went for coffee and a walk along the river with our dog and held hands and talked and dreamed about everything we have to come. We do this a lot but today it just held more hope than usual

Ivf we know can be a tough old ride, but for now we are positive and energised and I honestly cannot wait to jab my best friend and future mother our children with drugs.

Hurry up menstruation. Never been more keen to get hormonal bitch wife x

Woo! Lift off!

I can't wait until we have a baby. Somedays this urge is exciting and sometimes it is depressing because it hasn't happened yet.

The consultant has reviewed our application and is happy with my wifes medical/genetic and family history and we have our first consultation on Thursday. Perk of going private I suppose. Apparently they discuss what to expect and then we will hopefully have an appointment set up to get bloods and a scan to check everything is ok. The appointment takes an hour so not sure what they fill the time with.

It doesn't seem real at the moment that IVF may be a possibility and that on Thursday we are going to a fertility clinic. Part of me thinks if only we could do this at home still and it work and it be all simple and straight forward but it wasn't working for us and we didnt feel comfortable with home insemination and home donors and we are glad to be moving on.

Motivation.

We have applied for IVF!

Today we posted our application for IVF. Now we just wait to see if we can proceed to next stage= Bloods and scans. It all rests on if the consultant is happy with my wife's medical and genetic history (Not that there is anything serious). We briefly considered NHS route but are not keen on waiting times and having to have 6 failed IUI's before IVF and just want to jump to chase and have 40% success rate and not 12%.

On Tuesday we also went down to London for her blood test to check her hormone levels which are now down to almost normal levels after almost a year on meds! Great news. To top it all off, she lost 6.5 lbs this week. Superstar wife!!!

Enough of the known donor and home insemination business. It just felt wrong towards the end and it was just depressing. We are well aware that IVF can be a tough road but at least it has better statistics and it is all clean and clinical and the sperm comes in a vial and not a sterile wanking pot

X

Easter eggs

Introducing our baby, hopefully coming to a uterus in us soon

I don't want an Easter egg, I want a keen blastocyst x

Goodbye 10ml syringes

So once again our minds have changed. After much discussion we have decided to stop doing home inseminations. This cycle my eggs decided to randomly cling on to my ovaries and pop out a week late so the sperm last week was pretty much futile and then our donor cancelled on us for any further donations this month due to 'being ill'. We also decided that we are through with being at the mercy of donors and hoping they do not turn out to be complete and utter weirdos. Our current donor had a name on his profile which we took to be his (like you would) and the other day in a text, signed off with a completely different name, which although they have the right to privacy, just really made me think about what else he can lie about and just made us both feel really uneasy.

We have therefore decided to apply for NHS funding for iui/ivf in a clinic and go down that route instead. It is such a difficult and emotionally fraught journey and we are so ready to move on to the next stage because it doesn't feel like we are getting very far at all. My wife needs to lose 35 pounds first to meet the criteria and then we will start that ball rolling. It is all taking even longer than we ever imagined it would but fuck it right. We will get there and it will be so worth it.